Why We Want What We Want

Have you ever paused to think about the top five things you truly want in life?

Write them down.

Now, take a moment.

Are these really your dreams, or are they just echoes of what you see around you?

It’s a common trap to chase desires that aren’t ours.

So, let’s dive deeper.

Maybe those dreams for a new car, that dream job, or the latest gadget are not as personal as you think.

And before you start thinking, “No way! These are totally my goals,” let me open your eyes to something that might change your perspective.

What if I told you that many of the things you want are shaped by something much bigger than yourself?

Let’s talk about mimetic desire.

Trust me, grab a cup of coffee because we’re about to unravel a pretty deep concept that might just shift your entire outlook on desires and aspirations.

It’s time to dig into why we want what we want.

Mimetic desire is a term introduced by philosopher René Girard.

It’s the idea that our wants often aren’t as unique or original as we think.

Instead, they’re heavily influenced by others, people we look up to, admire, or even unknowingly compete with.

Whether we like it or not, much of what we desire is borrowed from the desires of others.

Take a moment to think about it: Do you really want the latest iPhone, or is it the idea of status that comes with owning one?

It’s not about the phone itself but about what the phone represents.

Girard’s work is nothing short of revolutionary.

He argues that our desires are deeply shaped by others.

This isn't just about material objects, it goes beyond that.

Wanting a luxury watch, a branded outfit, or a high-paying job, these desires are often imitative.

You might be thinking, “But I genuinely want these things!” And that’s where it gets tricky.

According to Girard, we don’t always know what we desire until we see someone else desiring it first.

So, those dreams of success, fame, and luxury?

They might not be as authentic as you think.

Desires can be broken down into two categories:

In the Indian context, think about the desire to own a car.

It’s not always about the quality or the features of the car.

It's about the social validation it brings.

It’s a symbol of success, of having "made it."

We often see Bollywood stars or influencers flaunting their sleek cars, and suddenly, owning that BMW or Audi doesn’t seem so much about the car but about being a part of an elite group.

Girard introduced the idea of “models of desire”, influential figures who shape our wants.

These could be celebrities, social media influencers, peers, or even fictional characters.

In India, we see models of desire in the form of entrepreneurs like Mukesh Ambani, actors like Shah Rukh Khan, or influencers who flaunt their lavish lifestyles.

It’s not just the object or lifestyle they promote.

It’s the influence they have on our psyche.

When we see them, we want what they have, not for their inherent value but because they have it.

Take the example of a Porsche 911.

It’s not just a car.

It’s a symbol of success.

We see it in movies, hear about it in interviews, and we want it because it aligns with what we think success should look like.

It’s a desire shaped by others, not necessarily by our genuine interest in the car itself.

The allure of this memetic trap is hard to resist.

While imitation helps us learn, it also brings competition.

Have you noticed how rivalry and envy often arise when two people desire the same thing?

For example, two friends fighting for the same promotion at work or two siblings battling over who gets the “coolest” gift or even validation from parents.

It often leads to unnecessary conflict.

We see this a lot in Indian society, especially when it comes to college admissions or job opportunities.

The competition can get toxic, and instead of growing together, people end up resenting each other.

Instagram, YouTube, Twitter, and other social platforms are modern-day accelerants for mimetic desire.

A single post showcasing a luxury holiday, a designer bag, or a beautiful new home can create a domino effect of desires.

We scroll through the feeds, see what others are achieving, and suddenly, we feel inadequate.

We start to crave what they have because we think it’ll fill that void.

The worst part? The constant comparison makes us believe that we aren’t doing enough and that we don’t measure up.

And, in that constant chase for approval, we lose sight of our own desires.

Girard argued that mimetic desire leads to conflict.

And the object of desire? It’s often secondary.

The real issue lies in the rivalry that emerges between people or groups competing for the same object.

History is full of examples where conflict escalated over desires.

In Indian culture, think of the age-old rivalry between families for property or power, all stemming from mimetic desire.

When rivalries grow too intense, societies often shift the blame onto someone.

This phenomenon is known as scapegoating.

P.S. Love this term, as I’ve experienced both sides firsthand.

It’s like when a wealthy individual or a celebrity is blamed for their success, and people feel resentful because they’re not part of that circle.

The Ambanis, for example, are often criticised for their wealth, but what people fail to understand is that the resentment stems from a deeper desire to belong to that world.

This is mimetic desire in action.

The first step to breaking free is awareness.

Understanding that your desires might not be your own is the key to taking control of your life.

Start questioning your desires.

Are they authentic?

Are they genuinely yours, or are you just imitating someone else's dream?

Practice gratitude and focus on intrinsic goals.

Things that bring you joy and fulfilment, not just material gain.

Now, after all this reflection, let’s go back to your list of the top five things.

Are they truly your desires, or are they just a reflection of what you’ve seen around you?

Remember, the path to happiness is not paved with imitation but with authenticity.

So next time you find yourself desiring something, pause and ask, is this really what I want?

Or is it just a borrowed dream?

Take control of your desires.

Break free from the cycle of mimetic desire.

Own your journey, and create goals that are truly yours.

Here is a little reminder to work hard:

See you next time!

Shivam Sharma